


Bittersweet Resolution

by nightserenade



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-23
Updated: 2011-04-23
Packaged: 2017-10-18 14:30:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/189850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightserenade/pseuds/nightserenade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When they get into yet another fight, Edward leaves the town of Risembool in order to give himself and his girlfriend, Winry, some time to think. He arrives at Central and finds solace from an unexpected, old friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bittersweet Resolution

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the song "Goodnight Goodnight" by Maroon 5. It's a beautiful and sad song that I really love.

Her eyes, red rimmed, stare out with anger burning in their blue depths. Her blonde hair in disarray, framing and pressing against her flushed face. Air rushes in and out of her body from her parted lips; she's panting from the efforts of her earlier rampaging outburst, the sound of her yells almost seemed to still be echoing about the walls. Clenched at her sides are her fists, fingers tightly pressed against palms. She has every right to be angry with him, every right because of what she was seeing.

She stood in the doorway, staring straight ahead at his figure amidst the chaos around him. The room was filled with papers and books, and though she hadn't taken the time to process the titles on the covers or what was on the sheets, she didn't need to. She knew what she would see, knew what she would read. It was obvious; there was only one thing in the world that captured his attention so much.

Rage. She felt so much of it right then and there. All because of things he hadn't said. All because of the ever increasing absence of him in her life, the empty bed that she would fall asleep in and wake up to. All because of bad behaviour that she hadn't been able – no, hadn't wanted – to accept. She hadn't been able to piece the facts together because she'd been afraid of what it would mean.

She'd been afraid of the outcome that had just come to pass. She'd been afraid of finding him in a place like this, surrounded by nothing but what she'd made him swear to give up all those years ago.

He'd promised. Yet here he was.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, not knowing what else he could say.

"That's not good enough this time."

He looked up with a widened gaze for a moment before bowing his head once again. Her steely, tear-filled gaze was not something he could – nor wanted – to meet. He didn't know what to do, but knew that staying there was not going to solve anything. So he brushed passed her, and slowly walked out of the small cabin that had become his secret sanctuary.

Edward hadn't known where he was going; simply followed the path that his feet took him on. It wasn't until a couple of minutes later, when he stood on the shore of the small lake, did he blink and look around at his surroundings. It was the same place he'd always go to whenever he needed to think and be alone, and he'd used to go there when he was younger, too.

It was funny how even as an adult he still had a few of the habits he'd had as a child.

The soft sounds of footsteps against the long grass surrounding him made him tense slightly. But he relaxed a moment later when the familiar body of his brother came to sit next to him. The warmth from his side was comforting and he had to fight off the urge to nuzzle closer, his body and mind still newly adapting to the fact that Alphonse was whole once again almost as if it was still the first day he'd gotten his body back. Doing such a thing would be humiliating, even if it would probably bring a smile to the younger Elric's face.

"You fought again."

It was a statement, not a question, and Edward didn't have to nod or speak in affirmation because the answer was already known. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that his brother was frowning, hugging his bent knees to his chest as he thought.

"What are you going to do, brother? It's gotten worse lately... You two are hardly ever happy anymore..."

The truth was, he really didn't know what he was going to do.

Alphonse was right; the past few weeks had been wrought with arguments between him and Winry, and it seemed sometimes they would go almost an entire day without talking to one another on a regular basis. It wasn't right, Ed had enough social sense to know that. But what course of action was he supposed to take when she was so against him having anything to do with something that was so important to him? Winry was absolutely adamant that he stop researching and practising alchemy - "Al did, so why can't you?" - but how could he when it had always been a huge part of his life? It was like telling him to stop breathing, to stop caring for Al. She didn't, couldn't, would never understand how he felt.

And it was driving them apart.

A few months ago she had witnessed him using alchemy to fix things in town, and while the people he had done it for had been incredibly happy, Winry had been furious. It had been the first time they'd fought, and had been the first time that Edward really sat down and thought about their relationship, alone and without distractions. He'd been trying to avoid it, trying to continue to misguide himself into thinking that everything was fine with him and Winry being together, a couple. However, that was far from the truth.

He didn't love her, not in the romantic way that she craved from him. Ed's heart would never feel those sorts of feelings towards her, probably wouldn't for anyone at all, and maybe that wasn't what hurt her the most. He mused that what she was most likely upset the most about was that he stayed with her for so long even though he didn't love her. He hadn't told her, had just continued to play pretend like it was some sort of game.

He hadn't told her because he'd been afraid of breaking her heart. The thing was, he already had. He'd done more damage by not telling her than he would have if he had. Because she knew, she knew all of these things, and she, too, had been playing the game. She, too, had been trying to fool her heart into thinking that Edward loved her in that way, that they could be happy as a couple.

They both knew better than that, and now the evidence of this being the truth was becoming a lot harder to push away and avert.

Eventually, Edward found his voice.

"I can't stay here anymore, Al. Not right now. If I stay I'll only cause her more pain."

"I understand."

His head jerked up in surprise. He'd expected some sort of fight from him against his proposal, but none had come.

"It would be best if you... left for a while. Give her some space. Maybe if you come back in a few days she'll have calmed down enough so that you two can talk and... figure everything out. I don't want to see you two like this anymore, brother. It's terrible."

"I know," he replied. That was all that he said, even when Al got to his feet. He heard him leave, his footsteps retreating until he could no longer hear them. It was only then that he himself stood.

It only took him a half an hour to grab the things that he would need. He only took the necessities, the bare minimum, meaning that he only needed a small satchel. He grabbed his long brown trench coat, and stepped out the door without any farewells spoken.

In less than an hour he was gone from the confines of his hometown, Risembool, running away from the unresolved problems that resided there.

* * *

Ed left the building and squinted at his surroundings, not expecting the blaring sunlight that had greeted him as soon as he had stepped out. He shielded his eyes with one hand as he thought about where he would go, and once he'd chosen a direction, headed that way without a real set plan as to what he was going to do.

Sure, there were plenty of stores that caught his interest, many that held books on alchemy as well as other materials. But for the most part, they were things he already knew, information he'd already read and learned, so they were inevitably of no use to him. There was one place he knew, though. One place he knew that held the abundance of knowledge he sought and yearned for.

Without him consciously decided to go there, his feet started moving him in that direction, bringing him to the place that his mind and heart were so set on going to. It had been a while, a long while, but he knew it would still be there, would still be filled with hundreds of books just waiting to be held in excited hands and read with eager eyes.

When he finally stood in front of the stone steps, his gaze took in the building with awe clear and bright in his expression. It looked exactly the same as he remembered it, and was just as glorious as it had been all those years ago.

The National Central Library.

However, the happier feelings were short-lived. Sad frustration quickly filled him when he realized he could not walk up that staircase and push open those doors. He couldn't go inside, not anymore. He lacked the credentials, the silver pocket watch he'd left behind on that day that he'd resigned as a State Alchemist. It had been the very same day that he had left Central for Risembool. To live with Alphonse. To live with Winry.

Without that watch he would not be granted entry, and that fact made him feel incredibly mournful.

Enough of this, he conceded. There was no use standing there if he couldn't go in. So he turned on his heel, set on leaving before he did something reckless like try to sneak into the library. Promptly, he smacked right into the tall, very solid body of another human being. Ed looked up, an apology ready on his tongue, but it was soon forgotten when his eyes took in the sight of someone very familiar.

It had been a long time since they had last seen each other, but the years had been kind on his features. Wrinkles and scars did not mar his face, only small creases were around his eyes and his mouth, as if he had been frowning too much as of late. But otherwise, he looked the same; had the same black locks of hair and endlessly onyx eyes. Right then they were widened in surprise as he stared down at Edward, who was just as shocked.

"M-Mustang?"

"Edward... Is that really you?"

They must have seemed like a pair of long lost lovers. He snorted mentally at the thought, a slow grin slipping onto his lips. "Yeah, it's me. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

The older man nodded slowly, still looking at him as if he thought this must be his imagination. "What are you doing here? Haven't you been living in Risembool for the past few years? What brings you back here?"

Ed opened his mouth to reply, knowing that the fact that he'd shown up in Central, after swearing he'd never return, was something quite unexpected. However, before he got the chance to, another voice called out from a few feet away, effectively cutting off his response. He turned around and blinked up at another familiar face.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye!"

The woman's serious gaze focused down on him and then her lips parted in disbelief. "Edward?"

He smiled, eyes flickering around her features like they had just previously done with his former superior officer. "Yeah. I came back to... I came back for a while, needed a change of scenery for a bit."

"Oh? Does that mean Alphonse and Winry are here as well?"

"A-Ah no, it's just me."

While Riza didn't seem to notice the oddity of the situation, or the fact that Edward suddenly seemed on edge and uncomfortable, Roy's eyes definitely brought it to his attention. But even though he gave the younger male a curious look, golden orbs never seemed to meet his gaze.

"Well, I think we'd better be getting back. We were only supposed to be gone for a few minutes."

"Oh, is that so?" Ed couldn't help the disappointed lilt to his voice. Roy heard it, and a small smile upturned his lips in response.

"How about later tonight I meet you at _Marianna's_? That restaurant by your old apartment?" he suggested, watching in amusement as Ed finally looked at him again, eyes widened slightly. He gave him a sceptical look, but Roy wasn't lying about the plans he wanted to make. "Meet me there at seven, I'll pay, don't worry about it."

He seemed to ponder the idea for a few seconds before nodding. "Sure."

"Then I'll see you there." And with that, he and Riza turned away, heading back to Central Headquarters.

Ed ran a hand through his messy bangs as he started back towards the apartment he was currently staying in. A date with the Colonel... No, he was a Brigadier-General, now. Though news took a while to get to the small town of Risembool, he'd still heard word of the man's promotion. Even so... A date with the man he'd used to fight with any chance he could get, the one he'd used to push so much unabashed hatred and anger upon even though he hadn't even felt the majority of those emotions towards him.

It would be strange to say the least. But perhaps it would be a good thing.

* * *

Edward slipped his coat on, shoving his gloved hands into his pockets. He let out a puff of air, breathing in deeply, before he stepped down off of the last step and onto the sidewalk outside of his apartment. He headed down the street towards a restaurant he'd used to go to when he was still a teenager, and arrived quickly thanks to his swift pace.

The sounds of laughter and conversation, along with soft clinking of tableware, greeted him when he walked inside, the soft glow of the overhead lights reflecting in his eyes. He gazed around, leaning up on his toes, to try and find the person he would be dining with, and once he spotted him he smiled gently. He made his way over, waving when Roy looked up and greeted him.

"Glad you could make it, Edward."

Ed grinned in amusement. "What, were you afraid I'd show you up?"

"I'm actually more surprised that you didn't," he teased, raising an eyebrow. "Have a seat, the waiter should be here soon; this place has excellent service."

Of course, he knew that already. But he didn't say anything. He took his seat after taking off his jacket and hanging it on the back of his chair, shuffling forward so that he was closer to the table. Then he surveyed the other, taking in the comfortable and relaxed appearance that he wore. Ed leaned back slightly, letting his body relax as well. The atmosphere wasn't as strange as he'd though it would be, and was actually quite cordial.

The waiter appeared and took their orders, returning a few minutes later with the food freshly made and steaming hot. As they dug in, Ed hummed in contentment. The food really was delicious, and he was glad that he wasn't the one paying; his dinner was most certainly expensive. Roy glanced up at him, a faint smile adorning his lips as he ate.

"So, Edward. Are you going to tell me what you're doing in Central?"

It was said casually, but the underlying curiosity in his voice was too apparent for Ed not to notice it. He paused in his chewing, swallowing before he replied. "I... needed to get away from Risembool for a while. Things need some time to calm down, I guess."

"Ah, trouble in paradise?" Ed scowled at him, not liking how his tone seemed to be making fun of him. But Roy continued in a kinder voice, asking, "Did you and Winry have a disagreement?"

He sighed, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep it quiet for too much longer. Besides, it couldn't hurt to talk to Roy about what was going on, so there wasn't anything to be worried or ashamed over. "Yeah, something like that."

"Wait, before you continue, there's something I want to do..."

The older man took the bottle of wine resting on the table into his hands, opening it with his elegant fingers. He poured out a generous amount for the both of them before setting it down on the table, picking up his glass when he was done. He held it out, waiting for Ed to do the same. Golden eyes observed him peculiarly. Was he making some sort of toast?

"To a military bond long erased, and a friendship that is long lasting."

It meant more that the mere words would show to others. But to the two of them the meaning was clear and huge in its significance. The sentence spoke of their thread of a relationship, one that they'd once swung from together as they battled against each other and their own – and sometimes shared – foes. It spoke of the grudging respect and care that had grown in both their hearts for one another, and spoke of something, a spark between them, that had never been pursued, something deep within them from the past that would forever remain a secret.

As their glasses clinked together, the harmonious sound echoing around them – their eyes connected and the complete and utter understanding between them in that point in time made everything seem to slow down – before being swallowed up by the other sounds in the restaurant. The moment was over, and they were forced to bring themselves back to the present, back to the conversation at hand.

"Winry and I... She doesn't understand how much alchemy means to me. It's not just some silly hobby, which is what she thinks. I can't get her to understand, and I guess that's when I realized things had to change between us, were already changing. I... don't deserve to be with her when the feelings she has for me are not... reciprocated..."

It hurt a lot to realize this, to realize that he could never live a normal life, could never truly settle down. And it hurt that this fact wasn't only hurting himself; it was causing pain to others. There were injuries he could not heal on his own, wounds that could not simply be licked to feel better. The scars on his heart were ones he needed to patch up, and the first step to doing that, he knew, would be to somehow regain Winry's trust, somehow get her to forgive him. They couldn't be together anymore, he knew this, but that didn't mean that they couldn't continue to be friends, family. He didn't want to lose her completely; he had to salvage something from their broken relationship or he wouldn't be able to live with himself.

Roy nodded, crossing his arms on the tabletop, having finished his meal. Ed finished soon afterwards, and sat idly playing with his napkin. "You'll have to talk to her, face her, sooner or later. You can't just avoid the situation and hope it gets better. You can't let the relationship you two have had since you were children be destroyed just because you can't be lovers."

"I know."

His gaze dropped downwards, contemplating his course of action. First thing first, he had to go back to Risembool. He'd been gone for five days now, so hopefully that had been enough time for Winry's anger to die down. He had no idea how he was going to get her to forgive him, however, Roy was right; he couldn't continue to avoid her and ignore her. She deserved more respect than that.

"Come on, I'll walk you home."

The walk was a quiet one, words not spoken as they walked side by side, the sounds of the night accompanying them. When they arrived at the door, Ed halted and shuffled his feet awkwardly, searching for something to say. Roy took it upon himself to be the first one to speak.

"It was nice seeing you again, Ed. It's really been too long."

"Yeah, it has." His voice was soft, so soft that it was hard to believe it belonged to the passionate blonde that resided in his memories. But when he grinned, eyes lighting up in that way that only Edward Elric's golden ones could, the boy he remembered was there. "I hate to admit it, but I've missed it here, missed the adventure and danger, missed the assignments and researching, missed the people... That includes you, too, bastard."

Roy smiled. "I've missed you, too, shrimp."

For a few moments they stood in companionable silence, eyes locked as flashes of memory from many years of knowing one another appeared before their eyes. And then they nodded simultaneously, saying their farewells. Roy stepped backwards, turning on his heel as he said, "I hope things turn out alright, Edward. I'm sure they will."

"Thanks, for everything," Ed replied quietly, but it was still said loudly enough for the other to hear. He watched the other's retreating figure until it disappeared behind a street corner, swallowed up in the night, before he went inside his apartment.

He was leaving behind someone, a friend who could have been so much more. He was leaving behind a city he had grown to love and cherish. He was leaving behind all of this, and going back to a place that held just as much importance to him. His home.

Tomorrow he'd be heading back to Risembool, heart determined that he had to make things right with Winry again. He'd be heading back to a life he did not want, not nearly as much as the one he was leaving behind, but Alphonse was there, living and breathing and that was more than he could ask for, and all he'd ever needed.

It would take a while to make things right, would take even longer for him to let go of the wistful wishes still lingering in his mind and heart. Would it be worth it? Yes, because it would make them happy, even if it would probably hurt himself to do it. But he would do it. He would do it for the person dearest to him and the childhood friend that had stuck with him and never given up on him. He would do it for those two people who were so much more important than himself and his silly longings and dreams.

That was his resolution.


End file.
